This Local Government Chronicle story by David Paice, cross-posted on HSJ, shows why the health policy universe needs to understand the circumstances in which health secretary Jeremy Hunt would unleash his Johnson.

And one of the worst-kept secrets in the NHS is revealed: Monitor and the TDA are to sort-of-merge. Both organisations will continue to exist legally, but there will be a new chief executive appointed by both boards.

And it will not be Dr David Bennett.

Dr Bennett feels that he has been fighting a rearguard action with Jeremy Hunt on FT performance for too long.

Wednesday's programme opened with an attentive, personal and measured speech from NHS Confederation chief executive Rob Webster on the issues facing the service. Anita Anand again chaired all the plenaries with skill and wit.

We hide vegetables - and I'm in charge
This was followed by Simon Stevens' speech, delivered in a more narrative and conversational style than last year.

Rough transcript

Unlike Ed Miliband forgetting to mention the deficit, I'm going to spend a lot of time talking about financial pressure. Thank you for having me back. It was a closely fought election, thrilled to be back. HSJ's Shaun Lintern tweeted that he was "strangely relieved", which is the closest thing to a compliment I'll get from HSJ.

I want to pay tributes, to Andy Burnham on his passion for health and social care integration and to Norman Lamb on mental health: rest assured we will build on that legacy and put mental health centre stage (Applause).

Simon Stevens transcript

There was no text for this speech, so this is a very rough transcript, far from carved on tablets of stone

Health Policy Insight spoils you, I know. Firstly, you got exclusive understanding of how Simon Stevens' NHS strategy is derived from Brian Wilson's Pet Sounds.

Now we can exclusively reveal that Dr David Bennett is the reincarnation of leather-trousered rock god and Doors frontman Jim Morrison.

Health economist Professor Alan Maynard suggests that it’s time for a little definition of what we actually mean by policy goals

Ministers continue to assert, in the true Thatcherite tradition, that they are interested in “value for money”.

However, when it comes to short-term political gain and favourable publicity in the press, they squander society’s scarce resources by funding schemes where evidence of cost-effectiveness is absent.

Likewise, they fail to ensure scientific evaluation of their usually evidence-free innovations.

1. Celebrate. They had no clue they were going to win an overall majority. They have one. It is not large, and that will create evident challenges in due course. But basically, they will be very happy indeed with a remarkable electoral achievement.

2. Order DH to welease The Wose Weview. Or maybe not.

Health economist Professor Alan Maynard wonders what the bloody hell’s going on with electioneering health policy, and is mildly sceptical about the reality of £22 billion efficiency gains

Aneurin Bevan smashed through a myriad of institutional obstacles to create the NHS in 1948. His underlying concern was income protection: ensuring that citizens were not bankrupted by unpredictable life events that required medical care. Bevan’s NHS was to remove the price barrier to use of medical care, removing fear of the financial consequences of ill-health.

As some light relief after a heavy piece about NHS finances, I think it’s time to explain that Simon Stevens has a secret strategy for the NHS.

It’s not the Five-Year Forward View.

It’s not privatisation.

It’s Brian Wilson’s masterpiece ‘Pet Sounds’.