I appointed myself as NHS Chief Inspector Of Chief Inspectors last year, in the wake of the post-Francis appointments frenzy.

In this guest editorial, the genius of CSU Cassander is unleashed on solving the woes of the NHS through drone technology - by sheer coincidence, his new commercial sideline

‘Beat me!’ begged the masochist.

‘No’, replied the sadist.

Longstanding readers may recall my observation that health policy is BDSM by other means.

Latterly, the relationship between Health Secretary Jeremy ’Bellflinger’ Hunt and his shadow, Mascara Kid Andy Burnham reminds me of Tom Lehrer’s classic ‘The Masochism Tango’:
“I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,

Parliament has risen for recess, but the satirical alter ego of the Secretary Of State For Health, swear-word-loving Jeremy Twunt, found time in his busy schedule to write this guest editorial outlining the emergent thinking in Conservative health policy.

Professor Sir Bruce Keogh has a well-earned reputation as nobody's fool. His report into the 14 hospitals he was asked to investigate at the launch of the Mid-Staffs Public Inquiry report is widely acknowledged as a fine piece of work.

Sir Bruce's covering letter to SOS Jeremy 'Bellflinger' Hunt bears quoting extensively, as I have done below, together with his list of ambitions and actions.

The Guardian's Denis Campbell and Patrick Wintour have a plausible-looking leak about the Keogh report tomorrow.

The five non-FTs will get a 'hit squad' parachuted in (could they not just get a taxi?), and six of the nine FTs listed will be put into special administration.

There won't be any immediate sackings of CEs.

One of the charming things about health policy is that if you stand in one place long enough, policies come round again.

Tomorrow, Health Secretary Jeremy 'Bellflinger' Hunt will take the last session of Health questions of this session of Parliament. He will then give a statement to the Commons on the Keogh review.

At such a politically-charged moment, it is always good to cite The Politician's Syllogism from the BBC classic 'Yes, Minister':
1. Something must be done.
2. This is something.
3. Therefore this must be done.

It's a happy accident of timing that the NHS's 65th birthday falls on a Friday - as working days go, most people's favourite.

The NHS is, as government institutions go, most people's favourite. There are all sorts of politicians' observations we can draw on - from Lawson on the NHS as religion to Bevan's NHS as the best present the British people ever gave themselves.

But I'm going to agree with Comrade-In-Chief Sir David Nicholson's beloved if dentally-challenged NHS Constitution: "the NHS belongs to the people".

Among the people probably feeling vindicated by the ongoing fall-out from regulation is former Healthcare Commission and CQC inspector Dr Heather Wood.

Her second statement to the Francis Public Inquiry into Mid-Staffs is well worth reading.

Don't worry: I have already alerted the Office of Fair Trading to the news that Comrade Sir David Nicholson, NHS England supremo, has decided to pitch his tanks on my lawn with his first blog, on negative media perceptions of the NHS.

This competition on NHS policy and politics - hitherto pretty much my monopsony - is in the spirit of the age: 'o tempora, o mores'.