With apologies to Monty Python, a short Life Of Brian tribute.

EXTERIOR

SCENE: A LARGE CROWD HAS GATHERED TO HEAR FROM NHS ENGLAND CHIEF EXECUTIVE SIMON STEVENS, WHOM THEY HAVE MISTAKEN FOR THE MESSIAH.

THE CROWD ARE CHANTING HIS NAME IN UNISON (AND POSSIBLY OTHER TRADES UNIONS).

CROWD: Si-mon! Si-mon! Si-mon! Si-mon! (etc)

SIMON STEVENS: Good morning. I've got one or two things to say to you.

CROWD: Yes! Tell us both of them.

SIMON STEVENS: You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anyone.

CROWD: Yes! We don't need to follow anyone.

SIMON STEVENS: You're all individuals.

CROWD: Yes! We are all individuals.

SIMON STEVENS: You're all different.

CROWD: Yes! We are all different.

ONE MEMBER OF CROWD: I'm not.

ADJACENT MEMBER OF CROWD: Ssssh!

SIMON STEVENS: Right. Now fuck off and start reforming the NHS in a locally-appropriate, evidence-based way.

(THERE IS A PAUSE.)

CROWD: How shall we fuck off and start reforming the NHS in a locally-appropriate, evidence-based way, O Lord?